Friend Robin
by blackfire1108
Summary: Starfire takes up journal writing
1. Dearest Diary

**Dearest Diary,**

This is Starfire writing! Though I am still new to the earthly customs, friend Raven has informed me that many people here use a 'diary' to store their secret thoughts and write about what currently troubles their mind. This is beginning to remind me much of Raven's mirror that she uses for her meditation. But this is not what I wished to write about. My mind is very troubled right now. Every worry that I have seems to be revolving around one thing, _or person_, to be exact. This person is friend Robin.

Somehow Slade seems to be the one behind every crime these days, and because of this, friend Robin has been distancing himself from the team. He buries himself in paperwork, and has currently locked himself in his room of slumber, though I highly doubt he has been getting much of this. I wish to ask him, _"When will the old friend Robin return?"_ The one who is not morbidly obsessed over a man called Slade. So much so, it seems that he has become a _'one man team.'_ It almost feels like we're not here, because even though we in fact _are_ here to aid friend Robin, he insists on working alone. Maybe it is the other way around. That it is us who are missing our beloved leader. I believe that this is all I wish to write for now.

**Pleasant Snorvlaks,**

**Starfire**


	2. A Bad Day

**Dearest Diary,**

Today was a very bad day. Early in the morning, friend Robin woke us all up, and told us that we were to join him for battle practice. After two hours of yelling at us, friend Robin got so angry that he stomped back up to his room, where I could here him lock the door. Friend Robin's sour mood did the "rubbing off" on everyone else, because friend Cyborg left the training room shortly after Robin, friend Raven left to meditate, and friend Beast Boy began to do the "Whining." This was not very enjoyable, so I found myself making a 'sweet' lunch for out leader to lighten his 'sour' mood. Before I could accomplish this, the alarm rang and I could here friend Robin calling us into the tower's main room. When I arrived, the others were already inhabiting the couch, waiting for what Robin had to say. But friend Robin didn't have to say anything. For everything, even the way his cape hung around his shoulders screamed

'**SLADE.' **

This is when the day became horribly wrong. The crime in itself was not difficult to stop. It was merely Cinderblock attacking the bank. This would not have concerned me greatly if Robin was acting normally. It appeared to me that friend Robin's mind was somewhere completely different as we did battle. It seemed as though every chance he got, he would peer out of the corner of his eyes, searching for someone who wasn't there. Because of this, I found myself looking out for friend Robin more than myself. Though this is no excuse, it is the reason why I accidentally put my own life in danger, as well as many other people. It is also the reason why Raven got hurt.

It all seemed to happen very fast. I was watching friend Robin attack Cinderblock's head, when Cinderblock, in an effort to remove Robin, banged into street polls and turned over cars, filling me with great worry over friend Robin's safety. I believe I consumed myself too much into thinking of this, to see the very large poll flying in my direction. Before this could hit me, friend Raven stopped it with her powers, but by doing this, she left her back open for Cinderblock to strike a hard blow. After a little while more fighting, we were finally successful in the capturing of Cinderblock, but because of my carelessness, he almost escaped. It is my fault. Friend Raven was easily able to heal herself, but I feel a very, very sad feeling inside me, and there is a little mocking voice, asking me why I joined the Titans anyway. _What use am I if I can't protect my teammates? _This is one of the times when I wish to be an 'earth girl' and live a 'normal' life. I have not conversed with friend Robin since my failure to properly catch Cinderblock. I am very afraid of what he'll say. Somewhere deep down inside of me that mocking voice is telling me of how Blackfire would have made a wonderful Teen Titan—much better than me.

The time is very late now, and I am wondering if I should retire to bed at all. Either way, I believe I will stop writing.

**Starfire**


	3. Jealousy

**Dearest Diary,**

It is Starfire again. Though today was a "relaxing" day of potato-ing the couch, I do not feel very relaxed. I do not even feel happy. Today I tried hard to make up for my mistakes yesterday. I tried very hard to make friend Robin smile, but I could not. I suppose he is sill angry with be because I endangered many people. Thought this is something I am angry at myself for doing, it hurts even more when friend Robin doesn't talk to me. I do not believe he will ever know the full extent to which I worry about him. I would do anything to take away his pain, but unfortunately, I do not believe friend Robin knows this, because I saw him talking and sharing his problems with friend Raven. When I saw him doing this I received the awful feeling that I got when Blackfire arrived and began to manipulate my friends. I wished to be Raven; I wished to be Raven so very badly. I was the one who friend Robin was supposed to confide his troubles to! Though at first I felt the immense feeling of anger, it has now become one of great sadness. I have not done anything to fight it, and have let this sorrow consume me. It feels as though I will never be good enough for the team. I will always be naïve, little, innocent Starfire. I will never be good enough for Robin, who cannot even trust me enough to tell me his problems. I do not like these feelings of unhappiness, but as long as I'm in my room of slumber, and no one can see me, I guess it will be ok not to smile. I wish you a goodnight.

**Starfire**


	4. New Feelings

**Dearest Diary,**

Today we met with the Titans East. For the most part, it was a rather enjoyable day, confusing, but enjoyable.

Let me start with the morning. This morning I was feeling no better than I had last night. It took all the energy I had just to hover above the ground, and I knew that once I reached my teammates, I wouldn't even be able to do that.

Aside from a rather formal 'Good Morning' I had not talked to friend Robin since the 'Cinderblock incident.' I had decided overnight, in my misery, to become more like friend Raven, because she had the one thing I wanted most in the world—friend Robin's attention. I could not tell you, and still can't tell you why I feel that I need him by my side, simply because I do not know myself.

Before I made my way down to the kitchen, I placed one of the blankets that was on my bed around my shoulders, so it hung in a fashion similar to Raven's cloak. This definitely caught everyone's attention in the kitchen. Beast Boy and Cyborg stopped their day tofu-meat fight to laugh at my strange new attire, and friend Raven raised an eyebrow, before returning her gaze to her book. Robin, however, took no notice to the fact that I was wearing my version of Raven's cloak. It seemed as if he did not realize my presence. Needless to say, this did not have a wondrous effect on my mood. I dropped the blanket and let my feet touch the ground, and walked the rest of the way to the kitchen.

After we consumed the break-fast, Raven came up to me with her 'we have to talk' face. Though I was rather surprised and delighted that friend Raven had noticed my unusually saddened mood, talking was one of the last things on my mind, so I put on my false, cheery, "thank you for your concern friend, but I wish to be alone," face, which friend Raven promptly ignored. After pulling me into the next room, she placed her hands on her head, as if she was experiencing a human 'head-ache.'

"Starfire, you are one of my closest friends," she said in her monotone, but I could tell her words were sincere. "And you are as a sister to me!" I said with another false smile. I was getting that bad feeling again; it was if I was lying to Raven by pretending to be happy.

"So if there is something wrong, you know you can tell me…" her voice trailed off and I believe I saw a shadow of a concerned smile. I enveloped her in a large hug, and though I still felt that annoyingly achy feeling, it was wonderful to know someone noticed my sorrows.

That is when the morning took a turn for the better, as I had been informed the Titans East would be visiting! At this time, we began tidying up around the tower, and getting everything ready for our friends' arrival. I made sure I was paired up with friend Robin for the cleaning, because I planned to inform him of how sorry I was for directing my attention elsewhere in battle, and almost allowing Cinderblock to escape. While planning out the correct way to say this, I felt my pulse quicken, and my hands became wet with sweat. This alarmed me a little bit, but seeing as I had more important things to see to, I decided I'd ask friend Raven later what this meant.

Some days it feels like I have nothing in common with friend Robin, and that no matter how close he is to me, he will always be closer to friend Raven. They have much more in common than any of us. Raven now shares a special 'mental bond' with friend Robin that I know I will never share with him, no matter how much I wish to. And now, with Raven as Slade's new target, Robin can more easily express his innermost feeling to Raven, because he too was once a target of Slade.

X'hal! I don't know what's wrong with me. I sound bitter, as if I do not care at all for friend Raven's safety, which is not at all true. Even so, I'm getting an angry feeling inside me every time someone as much as talks to friend Robin! --Especially friend Raven.

_It is no longer a want. I need to be at friend Robin's side._

Finally, as we were just about done with the tidying up of the tower, I apologized to friend Robin. Upon dong this, Robin did the earthly act of 'brushing me off,' and asked me of friend Raven's whereabouts. I am not sure of what I wished him to do, but that was most definitely not it. I could feel a surge of hurt coming on. Friend Robin had forgiven me for the 'Cinderblock incident' but instead of regaining the lost feeling of joy, my heart sunk even lower. Aside from when I first came to planet Earth, this was the first time I'd truly felt lonely here—watching friend Robin walk away to go find friend Raven.

As I finished the cleaning by myself, the tower's doorbell rang, revealing the Titan's East. Though I have seen them quite a few times before, today was the first time I noticed how much friend Speedy looked like friend Robin—not only in looks, but in action as well, and I found that I very much enjoyed being near him. The very thought of him, or mention of his name brings a smile to my face. It's as if he is chasing away the sad feelings I have been having, and replacing the frown that has now found it's way to my face every time I think of friend Robin. Though this confuses me, I hope it lasts.

Until next time,

**Starfire**


End file.
